Disclaimer- No smut, aw.
People have always explained heartaches as if they were trying to put together a puzzle. Even I made myself believed I knew how it felt. To have the will of not having the strength to take another step. To feel useless to my surroundings. It was too surreal enough for me to believe. My feet had to drag themselves up to my apartment and inside as well. Liam sure wasn’t expecting me here so early. His expression was surprised while he put pause on the remote control.
"I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow morn- You look terrible. What happened?" My hand extended to put my keys into the small table we had located near the door. I shook my head, making it sure to him that I didn’t want to explain myself. I’m not sure if he calculated how stumped I was enough for him to guess what happened. To the very least, Liam kept his mouth closed as I made my way into my room and closed the door without a look back.
In awaking, I almost imagined that all of it was just a horrible dream. That when I opened my eyes that I would find my phone located in my palm, showing evidence that I fell asleep to Jennifer’s voice.
"Josh, we have to go." Liam knocked on my bedroom door and I knew I would be forced to wake up to reality. Very slowly, I let my eyesight take over my vision. And gazed around to find my phone placed on the ground next to my closet door. Showing that I didn’t touch my device at all. Realism hit me as I laid on my back and put my hands over my face. Slow breaths became my friend in a shortage amount of time until I heard Liam calling for me again.
Our breakfast was spent in silence. He didn’t bother asking me what happened and I didn’t mind not bringing it up. The ride to work was quiet as well. Which I liked, I didn’t want to register that I had to work with the woman I had just broken up with, the one that I was holding just the other day, the one that I had confessed my love for her. Just in remembering her face, my heart throbbed while my face resisted in showing a single smile.
I had to remember to not show the hurt reflect off on camera and along with my co-workers. And I tried to avoid Jennifer in any way until we were forced to be on screen together. My acting must have been brilliant because I didn’t want anything to do with her. Whenever she reached for me as in being her character, I stared at her with hatred. She must be hurting as well since her eyes gave out her emotions.
In our break, I refused to step inside of her trailer and for the first time in shooting this movie, I decided to hang out in my trailer. It wasn’t really used. Almost dusty even. My lunch sat on my lap while the rest of my place remained quiet. Everyone was in Jennifer’s trailer, laughing and having a good time and I didn’t find it in myself to join them. Seconds later, the knock of my door sounded once and didn’t even wait for my okay before Jennifer let herself inside.
Every crave in my body wanted to stand up. To let my arms memorize each dent, scar, curve of her. I wanted to bring her close enough to inhale her scent. Even if it was just for a few seconds. But I took my eyes off of her and back on my food.
"Hey." Her voice broke as she took her place on the couch in front of me. All of our trailers looked exactly the same, just had a different name on the door. I choose not to respond to her. Not that I didn’t want to, I just didn’t have the slightest idea on what to say to her.
"Can you please say something?" Jennifer spoke again and I could feel my chest escalating when I heard her tone.
"What do you want me to say?" I’m not sure if what I said came off strong or too fast because she flinched at my words.
"Nothing happened. I swear." Did she take me for an idiot?
"Right. He just magically appeared in the night and came back again in the morning? I knew you had to like him for something." Biggest flaw I had about myself was that I became an asshole when I was pissed or hurt.
"You think that I cheated? Why would I do that if-" I’ve already been this situation once or twice enough to go through it again. I was tired of it.
"I don’t know, why would he randomly know where your apartment was at?" My words were too fast enough for my mind to catch them before they were said. I didn’t want to be an asshole to Jennifer. More than anything, I wanted to let the fight go and move past it. But there wasn’t a bone in me to do it.
"Nothing is happening with me and Nicholas." She sounded sure of it but my ego, my pride was too strong for it. I let a chuckle out and nodded, making me sound like a dick but I couldn’t resist it.
"Are you going to let me talk or are you going to keep acting like a dick?" I looked up to meet her eyes and already I could tell that she was getting tired of me speaking to her this way.
"I’m really tired so, I’d like to take my nap." I knew that if she was here long enough that I would wrap her in my arms in a matter of minutes. But my hands clamped over my small plate of food. Jennifer chose not to answer me while she got up off of the couch and took my hint in leaving.
"If it counts for anything, I miss you." She stood in front of me. The warm feeling I used to get flowed through my body when I heard her voice. How was it possible to feel this way just by a single person? To immediately want to smile at their response and take them for who they were. Every fiber in my inner body screamed at me to reel this woman in. To forgive her and call myself stupid in suggesting on what wrong she’s done.
"It’ll pass." I finally said out loud. I was even taken back by my hurtful words. Not wanting to look up, I took another bite from my food to show that I didn’t want her near me. Her hands grabbed my plate and put it away but before I managed to ask what she was doing, Jennifer crawled onto my lap and locked out lips together.
All of the moods that was running through my course soon disappeared while I continued to hold up the rhythm of our lips. My hand moved into her hair while hers was too occupied locked around the back of my neck. I could already feel the back of my throat aching for a moan. The tightness of my pants was growing by the second and I began to feel Jennifer rock herself on top of me. My hand slid up the hem of her shirt where I touched her bare skin and craved for more. Her hips increased with mine and I begun to unbutton her pants when suddenly my fingers stopped.
The image of Nick doing the same thing made me halt for a moment and let my lips move away from her. I shook my head as Jennifer began to unwrap herself from me.
"What’s wrong?" She wanted to come closer to me but I backed away.
"I think it’s best if you leave." I made sure not to look at her facial expression, to see how badly I was hurting her just as bad as she hurt me.